How to keep your rich chick happy

Rich girls usually go for rich guys. It’s just simpler that way—less fuss and muss, she’s secure he can give her the life she’s accustomed to, and he’ll less likely be waiting for the awarding of her last will. But in any case you weren’t born with a silver Oneida in your mouth, or you can’t seem to know what your kind wants even if you are part of the rich and famous bundle, you have to realize the following things about rich ladies, if you wanna land or keep one:

The Chase

A woman is a woman is a woman…no matter her social status—a girl’s needs are all the same. We wanna be loved, touched, appreciated, wined, dined, and romanced like other women. Single wealthy females tend to flock together in all-girls groups, because they want to protect their kind.

Lame-ass pick-up lines generally don’t work, so a more straightforward approach is beneficial to the success of your moves. Be brave little one, acting meek and humble rarely gets her to take a second look at you, so go up to her alone if you can, and hold up your chest like the mighty gorilla that you are.

The Date

Girls like these don’t really need too much attention, and they don’t need you to buy them beer. Take for example the Hilton sisters to your left (yes, they are the heiresses to the Hilton chain of hotels).

However, it is a must that you offer her a drink or those free peanuts if you meet her in a bar, or were set-up on a date. Don’t be stingy when ordering your meals. Make sure also that you tip the restaurant or waiter properly, because leaving a P1.00 coin (since you need the rest for “toll money”) does not make a lasting impression.

He’s Got the Look

Dressing the part does not have to mean borrowing your friend’s dads’ Patek watch for the night, but make sure you look neat and at least fashionable enough for your age. Leave the blinding gold jewelry at home. It’s also not wise to bring out your best barong for the occasion, unless you’re taking her as a date to a wedding or funeral.

Austin Powers Prowess

The international man of mystery always plays his cards right. Always the smooth talker, and best of all, the suave and sensitive listener to girls’ wants, During the dating ritual, it’s always tacky to talk about money–either if you have it or don’t, so stray away from topics that involve it (and especially don’t talk in a language you haven’t fully mastered—like English, if you have a definite “p” and “f” dyslexia). Pretense is the best way to catch a gold digger on the prowl. You don’t want her to know your dreams of owning that private jet just yet, remember? Groovy, baby.

Going Steady

So you’ve managed to snag her reins…what to do this time: A.) You’re not exactly loaded—Lay down your cards to her. If she loves you and the Datsun 1979 you religiously clean and drive everyday, then you’re set. But if she seems apprehensive at the situation, make sure you assure her that you’re gonna work hard for her and you. Do not borrow money unless it’s a matter of life or loan. If she clearly doesn’t want to hang around, then it’s off to other fishies in the sea. B.) You’re rich, but can’t get with her program—If you are scared of your own kind because of the pressure of keeping her in the fashion she is accustomed to, then talk it out with your lady. Say we’re talking about the spoiled stereotype kept woman, who “needs” her 3 carat diamond for the engagement, then you have to be straight with what you can give and want from the relationship.

Rebel Without a Cause

In the movie Cocktails, the British bartender opposite Tom Cruise marries the spoiled rich-bitch character of Kelly Lynch. A rich girl will rarely go for a guy with less social status than she has, unless she has some beef with her family that she wants to even out. The best way to piss off moneyed families is to bring in an outsider—someone that signifies “I don’t give a hoot about the family’s approval.” If you don’t wanna die of a broken heart like the bartender did in the movie, then tread slowly and surely into the world of the fast and furious. It’s not all caviar and aperitifs. But then again, if all’s done correctly–sit back, because keeping your rich girl happy means never having to work another day in your life. Enjoy your new jet.

This chick likes cocks.