Sex: Queer Eye for Football Guys

Big, burly men in jockstraps apparently have a thing for big burly men in jockstraps, as a study of former high-school American Football players recently discovered. US Sociologist Dr. Eric Anderson found that 19 out of 47 men had partaken in acts that are intended to sexually arouse members of the same sex.

All 19 were American Football players when they were in high school from the American south, Mid-west, west and northwest. Dr. Anderson also reported that, although the informants actually engage in sexual activity with other men, it does not mean they are gay. Okay, whatever you say, Dr. Anderson.

We’re sure they’re not gay. They just enjoy a bit of tackling here and there, right? By the way, Clay Aiken just called…he also claims he’s not gay. Afterwhich, hell froze over.

Hump The Bump

Sure, you and your girl are expecting, but no one is expecting you to abstain from sex almost a year. If history has taught us anything, it has taught us that having sex with a pregnant woman is okay, but having a pregnant woman go down on her knee is just…not. Here are some answers from expecting couples who just can’t say no.

Does pregnancy affect sexual urge?

Because of the woman’s body reacting to the pregnancy (read: putting on weight), many expectant mothers become uncomfortable at the thought of sex with their partner. The desire fluctuates during certain stages in the pregnancy and ultimately diminishes late in the pregnancy.

Is it safe for the baby?

Hell yeah. The baby is fully protected by a thin-walled bag that holds the fetus and surrounding fluid called the amniotic sac and the strong muscles of the uterus. And regardless of what your ego tells ya–your four inch pecker ain’t doing any damage on the baby. (No matter how hard you hump, you delusional bastard.)

Does sexual intercourse affect contractions?

If the pregnancy is low-risk, the contractions felt are merely aftershocks of orgasm and is no way related to the pregnancy. During the final weeks, however, doctors would recommend to keep away from the deed as semen contains a chemical that may stimulate contractions. That, and because women shit like crazy when giving birth…

Vulvodynia: Painful Sex

You might be used to the common excuse of headache or “I have my period” from the girlfriend to turn down sex. While these excuses maybe bullshit half of the time, be sure to back off once she cites “vulvodynia” as a reason. Vulvodynia is characterized by pain with sexual intercourse, rawness, stinging, itching and burning in the vagina. This is a different kind of burning sensation related to sex. The kind that ends with both of you facing the opposite direction, and your balls ends up blue. The pain suffered by a woman with vulvodynia may last for months or years and unfortunately, there is no cure for this, but the pain can be treated. As for the pain you have to endure if your girl has this disease, well boo hoo hoo, no sex for you.

Hips don’t lie, indeed, according to a new U.S. study. 16,000 women were tested and it has been determined that women with small waists and big hips also have big IQs. The women with hourglass figures were found out to be more intelligent than their rounder counterparts. While this is good news for men who love sexy, this is also good news for curvy mothers as they tend to have more intelligent children. This is possibly due to the omega3 fatty acids that are stored in their lean, curvy hips. Women who are bony, lanky and borderline Mary Kate and Ashley do not have such deposits. Who says beauty and brains don’t mix?